Connections

Friday, March 13th was my 50th birthday. I spent the day with my husband at MOMA, and it was the perfect place to connect to the ideas that shaped my thinking as an artist. It's always been one of my favorite places; there are all kinds of connections at that location. Right now though, there's an exhibit that's called Here Is Every. Four Decades of Contemporary Art.

The fifth in a series of installations focusing on MoMA's contemporary holdings, Here Is Every. Four Decades of Contemporary Art maps a chronological path through the art of the recent past. The exhibition brings together photographs, paintings, sculptures, drawings, films, and videos in thematic groupings, and includes several new acquisitions, on view for the first time at MoMA, by such artists as Matthew Barney, Mircea Cantor, Nan Goldin, Paul McCarthy, and Bruce Nauman. Explorations of topics as diverse as the artist's studio, the changing urban landscape, politics, and the radical transformation of media culture appear repeatedly in the art of the last forty years, proving that certain artistic concerns ultimately transcend chronology.

It was the perfect place to be. We went to my friends' (Robbin and George) 50th surprise birthday party on Saturday and I had a great conversation with their friend Hannah, who's been an artist, a working artist for the past few decades about what this exhibit meant to me. Mainly, I thought "oh, that's what we were thinking". The drawing here is by Paul McCarthy and was done in 1984. I don't know him or follow him, but the drawing is like what we were doing at RISD around that time. (We graduated in 1981, we were in Italy '79-'80).

Anyway, Hannah's conversation was around the fact that what I'm doing now (working in marketing communications in high-tech) is the zeitgeist of today. That location also connected to my first career in publishing, I started on 53rd and Broadway, moved to 53rd and Madison, and then ended up down Madison at GOLF Magazine. I took a photo at 515 Madison on Friday, it still has the iron-work on it, but a lot of the other buildings have changed. Burger Heaven is still there.

Frenzy

OK, I have a reputation of being somewhat disorganized. I don't think I am, I just appear to be. The reality is that most women, particularly women around 50, can multi-think even better than they multi-task. In other words, I THINK I'm going to get everything done, but there often are not physically enough hours in the day. So, you can either get in a frenzy about it, or take it one step at a time, or let it go and flow with life. Here's something my boss gave me to work with when I was panicking once:

I see, I know the higher order. If anything comes to my mind that seems too much, too full, too overwhelming, I simply know the power of my inner knowing, my all knowing to see a greater idea, a greater view and sections of what to trim, what to expand. I am part of this Divine intelligence and I know there are so many, ... infinite ways...to address these projects. I see and know this is all mine. I see the greater good of the company and all those involved coming forth through this work, through this team, through this beautiful manifestation of work today. I accept this ease and grace and connection with open arms, with open mind. I am choosing power in peace today. I am grateful for my husband and children and dog, my friendships at work, John, Chris and Jill, Sara, Frieda, Rene, Robbin, Susan, my in-laws, my mother-in-law's life, my parents, brothers and Joyce and all of the nieces and nephews and Robin and George and so many people in my life and our town, Jessie's friends and Chris's friends and the depth of the relationships all around me, including the company I work for, and the challenge with opportunity that my position affords me.

I am now done in mind and so --- it's done on earth, here , now.

So I had started this entry to be a little flip and irreverent about time and when I came across the affirmation above I decided instead to really work with the universe and accomplish the highest and best I can today, and then when the work day ends, do the same at home, with the family I love.

Clarity

Clarity is misunderstood I think. I was thinking about this yesterday as I worked on presenting my budget at work in a way that would quickly express the plans I had in mind. Clarity isn't about understanding everything and filtering so that there is only as much as can be grasped at the forefront. It's really choosing to express a few ideas that suggest the whole in a way specifically targeted to your audience. Your intention can't be that your audience understand every detail that's in your head.

Friends

I spent this weekend at a bed and breakfast with two of my best friends from high school and our husbands. We do this once a year and there is nothing like being with people who know you so well and have been with you your entire adult life (and part of your childhood as well).

One of my close philosophical friends asked me what "being a friend" means. The answer is: sharing some aspect of your life or your self with affection and truth. The affection part is palpable, the sharing makes it richer. Staying truthful is sometimes challenging over time and in different situations, but that's why it deepens the bond and makes close friends so cherished. When you've been together a really long time, as the group this weekend has been, the truth part is just always there. And of course the affection. And so there's a lot of freedom to be yourself.

We are ourselves when we're together, and those selves are really loud. We rent all three rooms of the b&b, and so we don't disturb anyone except the people who work there, but they seem to like us, so it works out. We tried a different place last year, but we disturbed the other guests. We've been too loud for the world for 36 years, we're not going to stop now!

They sang happy birthday to me at the restaurant, but I still have a few weeks of being 49. Thank God for cherished friends, cherished weekends, great food, plenty to drink and tarot cards.